Date: Oct/12/19

Post Text: I was not aware of any deodorant revolution that’s going on right now. This is a bit presumptuous. 

I would’ve started the copy with the next line: No aluminum, no parabens, no alcohol, no worries.

Then break to a new paragraph: “Super effective deo that’ll leave your armpits smelling fresh like…” When I buy deo, I want to know what it might smell like. This ad hints at none of that. (The video does state, “completely odorless”, but I want my armpits to smell like something. Is that weird?)

And here the ad is actually targeting two audience segments: Vegans, and people who care about the environment. I would’ve tested them separately, with ad copy that targets each segment specifically. 

Visual: The Visual gives an indication of the “laziness” of the ad creator though. If they can’t be bothered to “adjust” the ad for Facebook, I think it’s safe to assume they’re too lazy to segment their audiences. (It’s an Instagram ad, as is made evident by the “Swipe up” CTA at the end of the video). 

Regardless, I suppose it can’t have mattered too much to the audience, because none of the comments seem to address it. In fact, the ad seems to be getting a lot of positive engagement regardless, minus the “plastic tube” assumption. 

Headline: The Headline as Call to Action here is all right. It’s a bit vague for my taste, but it works because of all the other elements supporting the ad.  

Description: The first clause here in the Description is odd. I don’t think anyone’s armpits can change the world. A better angle would have been to reduce your carbon footprint.

The second sentence rings strange as well. How is a deodorant innocent and planet-loving? It would’ve been better to introduce it as effective, and to tease the specifics a bit. 

Notes: Alternatively, the Headline and Description could have addressed the main objection that is evident in the string of comments in the thread: The false assumption that the tube is made out of plastic. (It’s sugarcane.) The Headline could’ve read, “You won’t believe what the tube is made of!” (That’s a bit long, so taking some time to shorten this message.) 

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